#@)&%!(*)Q!!

I feel like this is the first time in about 3 months that I actually let myself be in my own world for a while... not worry about other people and the crazy rules to follow here... I feel like an outsider in my own country.. how ridiculous is that?

I'm just floating in the air trying to figure out which way to turn to fly back home.

I don't even know how it feels like to be at home anymore.

Actually, I don't really know when was the last time that I felt at home.

One day I felt the emptiness and I haven't found what would fill up that hole inside.

I'm still searching....

maybe I've been searching for too long..

Or maybe I'm too old now to feel excitement in anything new.. like how people find peace from staying in the comfort zone..

I miss....

the feeling of comfort when you're with the people you love.. how you find happiness from the tiniest things and just silly things that make you laugh.. the feeling of accomplishment after a day of work, the quiet time to have for myself, freedom to go anywhere I feel like going... without anyone or anything holding me back. the sense of belonging.. the feeling of empowerment that I am somebody important.. that I can do anything.

I hate that I can see myself falling and pulling myself down even when I try to stand up.

and just letting myself be..

Everyday I feel like I'm just passing time..

I knew this was going to happen all this time.. maybe I told myself to just go with it so I don't back down and give up.

sometimes I even question if I made the right choice.. I know it seems like it's too late to ask myself that question but I just get scared... what if? Is it normal for the bride-to-be to feel this way?

maybe all the changes, from the move, culture shock, the parents, wedding... everything just crashed down on me,, too much more for me to handle..

sometimes I feel like I'm just standing here all by myself.. and I don't know when I will shatter into pieces.

I need to know that I can just let down all my guards and rest in your arms..

I'm still waiting for that day when I can truly feel at home..

The Great Jenny Chung

Disney Toys and MINDstyle are proud to present the latest contributions to the Stitch Experiment 626 Project custom art tour.

It’s Stitch like you’ve never seen him before and this time it's through the the minds of Disney's own Design Supervisor Jenny Chung!.

My baby's figure will be on display starting Thursday, September 10th as part of the Disney Expo and runs until Sunday, September 13th at the Anaheim Convention Center.

Jenny's Stitch figure (Lilo Stitch Cosplay) has been picked as the best figure of the Expo and will be sold exclusively at the Expo as a premium figure. This means it will be a super rare item for you guys who couldn't be at the Expo. Sorry guys ;(

I love it! I am so proud of Jenny! Such a lucky guy, I am~ :)

Butterflies and flowers~

I purchased a set of dinnerware for our future home!
DK's all scared because he's gonna have to eat off of dishes covered in butterflies and flowers.. but don't worry baby, I'll get other designs that are less girly hehe =D
Shopping for dinnerware and home stuff was fun! I think it can be even more fun than shopping for clothes! *gasp*
Now I understand why my mom never spends money on herself and always buys stuff for my family instead.
I'm slowly turning into 아줌마 already!
Anyways, I'm so excited to have bought our first dinnerware and I'm itching to have dinner parties at our house!
Everyday will be so much fun with you! I can't wait to start our family! yay!

하루하루 지나면서...

사실 하루하루가 쉬운일은 아니다...

벌써 일년 가까이 떨어져 있으면서,
빨리 우리들의 할일을 마치면 금방 같이 있을꺼라는...
그러니까 힘꽉주고 조금만 열심히 달리면 된다는 마음은...

시간이 지나면서 숨이 차오고 무릅꿃고싶고,
우리 애기는 내가 안아주면, 내가 업어주면, 내가 사랑해주면
그것만으로도 행복해 주었는데...

우리자기는 내사랑말고는 나의 사랑말고는 딴건 절대 다 필요없다는걸 아는데...

어느새부터인가, 난 우리 감자가 젤로 필요로 하는것을 주지 못하고,
같이 있을 시간만을...같이 있어서 안아줄수 있고, 업어줄수있는 시간을
기다리고만 있을뿐...

사실...훈련을 받으면서 많이 힘들고 울애기의 사랑도 정말 뼈저리게 느끼고...
빨리 같이있고 싶다.

정말 사랑하는데...사랑하는데...
세상은 우리의 사랑을 인정하지만...정말 시간이 안간다....

울애기야가 힘들어서 울때는 언제나 내가 딱 옆에 붙어있어야 하는데...
내가 달래주고, 내가 그 눈물고인 눈이 웃음을 머금을때까지,
슬퍼 삐죽나온 입술에서 미소가 나올때까지,
슬픔에 두근거리던 마음이 행복으로 두근거리게 될때까지...

옆에서 바로 옆에서 달래주고싶다. 사랑해주고 싶다...

정말 너무 사랑하는데...그렇게 기본적인것도 해주지 못하는 내자신이 너무 밉다.
내가 밉고, 할수없다는것이 밉다...

정말 내가 옆에만 있었어도 울애기야 눈물은 반으로 줄을거야...

하지만 애기야...이제 내가 너랑 같이 있기위해 해야했던 일들은 다 끝났어.
이젠 같이 있기만 하면돼.

난 언제나 너의 편에서 너만 지켜줄꺼야. 이제 나에겐 네가 내 인생이고 내가 살아가는 이유니까...

곧있으면 우리는 하나의 가정을 꾸리게 될것이고, 난 울 자기야가 비오면 밑에 숨을수 있고,
힘들면 앉아 쉴수있고, 슬플때 기댈수있는 나무가 될께.

그렇게 하기 위해서 이렇게 하루하루 힘들지만 내자신을 울 자기야를 위해 튼튼히 만들고있어.

이제 거의 끝이다. 그동안 너무 고생했어...너무 사랑해. 자기야...

사랑해. 사랑해... 나 보여주지 못한게 너무 많다...

너 행복하게 해줄꺼야.

약속해...

my Star doll!

Visit my Stardoll Suite

Visit my Stardoll Suite

hehehe look baby! I made myself into a doll online! does it look like me?
I think i'm addicted!! this is what i've been doing since i'm so bored without you!

MISS YOU!!

okay, so it's officially been 4 days without talking to DK, and I've reached my limit..
I miss him sooooo much!
I still have 2 more weeks to go! ugh!

DK sent me photos of his new hair cut.. the "soldier hair"
Then I was hit with the reality that I cannot avoid.
He's going to the army tomorrow morning..
I knew this day was coming, but I think I was in total denial.
Just a week ago, we were holding hands and saying good byes at the airport.
Even then, it still didn't occur to me that from that day on, it'll get harder and harder to see and talk to each other..
I was back to normal- going to work, talking on the phone, Skyping..
But now, I can't even do that. I'll just have to wait patiently..
Now I realize that this is really happening, I don't exactly know what to do.
I'm scared.. It feels like the day when he left to Korea for good.
I cannot imagine a day without at least hearing his voice.
Even though I can't see him right now, just talking on the phone and hearing his voice would comfort me.
I regret not realizing this sooner..
I could've been more prepared too... I could've treated you better when we saw each other.

I'm praying that you'll be healthy and strong.
Praying that we'll get to see each other soon, and then never have to say good bye again.
I'll miss you soooooooooooooooooooo much
I love you more than anything in this world.