I'm just floating in the air trying to figure out which way to turn to fly back home.
I don't even know how it feels like to be at home anymore.
Actually, I don't really know when was the last time that I felt at home.
One day I felt the emptiness and I haven't found what would fill up that hole inside.
I'm still searching....
maybe I've been searching for too long..
Or maybe I'm too old now to feel excitement in anything new.. like how people find peace from staying in the comfort zone..
I miss....
the feeling of comfort when you're with the people you love.. how you find happiness from the tiniest things and just silly things that make you laugh.. the feeling of accomplishment after a day of work, the quiet time to have for myself, freedom to go anywhere I feel like going... without anyone or anything holding me back. the sense of belonging.. the feeling of empowerment that I am somebody important.. that I can do anything.
I hate that I can see myself falling and pulling myself down even when I try to stand up.
and just letting myself be..
Everyday I feel like I'm just passing time..
I knew this was going to happen all this time.. maybe I told myself to just go with it so I don't back down and give up.
sometimes I even question if I made the right choice.. I know it seems like it's too late to ask myself that question but I just get scared... what if? Is it normal for the bride-to-be to feel this way?
maybe all the changes, from the move, culture shock, the parents, wedding... everything just crashed down on me,, too much more for me to handle..
sometimes I feel like I'm just standing here all by myself.. and I don't know when I will shatter into pieces.
I need to know that I can just let down all my guards and rest in your arms..
I'm still waiting for that day when I can truly feel at home..
